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Innerrayg259
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Name: James
Location: San Francisco, California, United States
Gender: Male
Interests: not gonna sum it for you. go comb through the posts ;D
Expertise: i'll get back to you when i find something
Message: message me
AIM:  innerrayg259
Member Since:
3/10/2005
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| “What is hell? I maintain that it is the suffering of being unable to love” -Dostoyevsky
*sigh* Better save before this.
Life needs a save button. I'm fuckin' serious. I'm kicking myself for what I've done in regards to my crush. My social ineptness will kill me in the future.
the above quote was from a friend's blog, who's identity shall be concealed in the very likely case that he wishes not for ppl to flock to his site and laugh at his perpetual hardships in life. i know i do it (not him specifically, but a lot of people) when i read ppl's xangas and blogs. it makes life feel surreal, like something out of a romantic comedy (oh i totally saw that one coming)
anyways im only inspired to pull out the keyboard and computer screen (as opposed to pen and paper) cause he mentions a save button (like when you're gaming or some thing) and at the moment i lifted up a cookie container, with the lid half attached and i nearly spill open the contents of the crumby snack onto my freshly vacuumed floor. and yes i was the one who vacuumed it.
oddly enough i didn't bother to read ahead of the quote, and now im really glad that i didn't put the guy's name up, or god forbid a link to the blog
anyways i've looked through quite a few of my blogs and i don't think i've ever really touched on the subject of love. actually if i think about it i might've been thinking it, but its one of those double meaning thigns you wont' know what im talking about unless you're looking for it. so here i am. go look for it.
would be kinda stalker-ish if you did. unabomber type dealios. whos' the unabomber you might ask? don't worry i didn't know until...friday yeah i think it was Friday. so the unabomber was this ecowarrior of the 70s til the 90s sending mail bombs to ppl and it took the FBI 20 years to catch this guy. pretty amazing though i gotta admit. and i only found out cause i was wearing my hood up and teacher said i looked like the unabomber. then i proceeded to make him feel old by saying "wtf is the unabomber"
ironically there was a reference to it in the movie 27 dresses (yes i know its a chick flick but with friends, its majority rules. yes the majority were girls), and basically the guy just says "you have this small little handwriting, kinda like the unabomber". my friends looked concerned even in the dark to my lone crazed laughter in the theater. predictable as far as most chick flicks go, but had its own unique twists, but when you see them going into the bar my head immediately jumped to getting drunk, startling confessions and a drunk dance/ song if we're lucky followed by sex. and yes it all happened in that order. actors were kinda suited to the part, the main charecter is this repressed person who puts other ppl before herself which is the role she sorta plays in grey's anatomy, then the guy she eventually falls for, who was in xmen as scott summers, as opposed to the guy she originally fell for, who i thought was sgt gonorrhea from band of brothers but turns out to be pvt reiben from saving private ryan
but arguably the best chick flick i've ever seen would be when sally met harry, where the central theme is guys and girls can't "just" be friends, the sex always screws things over and the most famous scene is where sally demonstrates that a woman can fake orgasms and she does so in the middle of a freaking diner, and everyone just stops and turns to see what the hell is going on and when she's done an elderly lady nearby says to the waiter "i'll have what she's having".
i just finished watching juno casue everyone's raving about it and the thing about it is its a chick flick in disguise, rather a curveball. or just a really big curve. i mean think about it, there's a girl who has problems, has these two love intrests in two guys though im not really sure about the married guy, cause she never says it explicably, but she's probably very fond of him and was this refuge for her, so w/e it still counts, but the whole thing with the tic tacs and "can we make out now?" is almost hallmark chick flick, but hey its still a good movie cause it really is about the pregnancy thing but uh....definetly the cookies driving this post on right now
i have a new knife now if you havn't seen my flick it open and close recently, all black 660c combo tanto blade, aluminum handle with diamond texture grip smith and wesson made...pure ownage
don't take life too seriously-nobody gets out alive
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| "what the hell is wrong with you...?"
chances are you're gonna hear that being said several different times in life, and in no less than 3 different situations.
so phelan, its 1 32 in the morning, later today you have the SAT and here you are sitting here and typing up a post.
what.
the.
hell.
is.
wrong.
with.
YOU!!
gawd...
truth to be told, probably everything. it could be the lack of sleep, the excess of work and stress, or a sudden capitulation to life that'd account for such use of my emo days. yeah now whenever i had a shitty day or just anything that i feel towards the bad side, i find myself here. typing some random shit up in hopes that i'll indirectly channel my anguish somehow. one of the greatest boons and the worst parts is that xanga is public, but no one bothers to read what i write. i can pretty much write to almost my heart's content and be reasonably sure about what i write. then again, its public, and i guess a little desperate part of me wants ppl to read it, take notice and maybe have a few words to say, cause definetly there's nothing like having someone to kinda bounce talk offa when you're having a pretty shitty day. but of course, this is a silent plea b/c nobody reads it.....so kinda self defeating. in a manner of speaking
well it was brigade ball. again. to be honest, i probably shouldn't have gone. complete waste of 20 dollars and 4 hours of my life that i coulda spent doing something else. anything jack fucking thing i would've rather been doing
i wall flowered it, only screwed around a bit with some friends. oh but the standing around wasn't totally pointless. even amongst the throngs of people and loud dance music, i found a little bit of peace, able to reflect on some thoughts that i've been just too swamped to think and tired during finals. truely fascinating things human beings are.
an illustration of both predestination and free will came up during the dance. an interesting idea considering the two are polar opposites, yet both existed. the dj was in complete control of the music, and the majority of the crowd went with the flow of accepted actions, so there's that predestination, but free will was within each person's choice to do whatever they wanted to.
i suppose that my current mood would be im in a state of depression with no apparent cause or source, only that its happening and it is fucking with my head that i cannot tell the difference between a mushroom and my mom. inside, i am just a fucking psychotic mess right now and really what its doing is making me think about shit that normally i'd think about, but wouldn't devote my whole attention to.
i guess another thing, more minor than anything, or at least that's what i keep telling myself but i know that's an absolute lie. for some reason, i've been trying to be optimistic lately as opposed to before, the glass isn't just half empty, its all the fucking way empty. see the problem is you get your hopes up, you only crash that much harder later when it fucks up, but that much better when it does work out. so i pose i should start becoming pessimistic again as it seems im usually in a better mood or i feel more functional. but yknow, i didn't expect much, but some good stuff happens, but get totally fucked in the ass a moment later and you crash harder than before like there's no tomorrow
oh well, its passed, i came i saw i asked i felt good now i feel shitty and totally blown out of the water now. but that''s ok cause i think ima be done with the mind fucking games. fucking done with it.
shit or get off the pot kinda things
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| they say that if you are sure of yourself, there is no reason to doubt one's self. well that's kinda given there, but i think it means something more like
all you need is a foundation of faith, and nothing can shake that
actually that's a phrase i took out of a tv show, something like "all you need is faith-that's why my grandma said. ohh yes...sundays meant long church hours with grandma betty" anyways i guess there's supposed to be an element of self doubt worked in here somewhere. yeah...self doubt.
there's always things that happen where you start it and you're really sure you want it to happen, and then it kinda dies out a bit as you go along. lik this scheme to get a free psp....i was really ready to do it, and i did some of it, then i got tired of it and im almost gonna drop it now....well iono we'll see
but its that kinda drippy feeling you get when you know your'e nto really motivated to do it, and it pops into your head as a moment to just jack around, sure seemed like a cool idea at the time, but it turns out it wasn't , that sorta thing.
and somewhere in between i just got sidetracked
just gonna post this up finsih it later
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| according to the theory of quantum physics, all objects are constantly in motion, including your individual atoms, the walls of your house, the screen of your computer, the crazy cat lady down the streets and all her cats, both alive dead and statues. so theoretically, you could reach out to the fridge to grab some milk and you find your hand passing through the jug, and then of course, you would be wondering what you had at the crazy yet seedy party the night before. where was i going with this? fack....
oh right, mental instability. fun fun topic. except if you're the mentally unstable one, or the people who have to care for them, but it does look fun to inject sedatives.
but i digress
now where the hell was i gonna go with mental instability? well in the meanwhile i'll talk more about quantum physics i spose... there are lots of different uncertainty things, but the one that i remember best is the Hiesinburg Uncertainty Principle, that you cannot tell (accurately) both your speed and position at the same time. one could theoretically use this as a defense for speeding (well officer, according to the Heisnburg uncertainty principle, i was focusing on the road ahead of me, so according to science, i could not possibly tell what my speed was). another one that stands out is schodenger's cat. btw my spelling is terrible so iono if im typing all their names correctly. he's the dude who stuck a cat in a box and said you can't tell if its alive or dead, and if you open the box, you fuck up the experiment.
so how does this all relate to mental instability? im not sure let me buy some more time
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...........
......
......
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nope don't got anything. well there's awards review on wed. i don't think im gonna shave my beret in time for it...oh well. its all a big flashy show, where everyone wears their medals and different gear and what not. its especially funny when you see upperclassmen, who have accumulated a mass amount of medals cup their chest to stop the medals from jiggling when they're walking briskly. its also incredibly redundant to have several ribbons for doing one thing, you could accumulate up to 3 ribbons and a medal. one for showing up, one for showing up in a specific time slot, one for placing 1st 2nd or 3rd, and the same thing with the medal, 1st 2nd or 3rd. its like double taxation, only you're the one receiving!
what's double taxation you may wonder? its when things you buy gets taxed more than once to the government. its a tad bit ridiculous, mostly b/c they squander the money away for something else, usually not that constructive. for example, there used to be this thing called the estate tax (to my knowledge, its still been repealed) where upon death, a person's items and possessions are taxed before they are released for inheritances. if you ask me, that's almost like ben franklin's two constants of life rolled into one. that's because when the person was alive, when they bought land and other stuff, it was taxed. then it was taxed again casue they died. but it brought in money, so eh its not that bad. people opposing it cited double taxation. well hm, lets look at a different case of double taxation.
remember our old friend, Karupt Minta? yeah that guy. so lets say he works his ass off on your pair of nike's. (i dont actually know where they're made so lets just go with it for now) and he gets half a square meal for his hard work. the converses get packed and shipped to the good ol' US of A, and at the customs port, Karupt's handiwork gets taxed, duties from the tariff, which goes to the government. so it gets passed around from place to place where yes there are other taxes applied, but usually to the act of handling not the actual product. then it finally ends up at stones, where right before you hand in your money for it, another tax is levied. yes, the sales tax, 8.75% in SF (im 99.9% sure). that's double taxation right there! so if you cite that excuse for the estate tax, you might as well get rid of the sales tax too. and if that isn't annoying enough, the store owner's gotta pay income taxes, and part of it came from you buying your doubly taxed shoes, but that's besides the point and not part of double taxation.
kinda reminds of licenses. you gotta have a licenses for everything you do. if you want to own a restaurant. gotta have a license. hunt? license. teach? license. practice law? license practice medicine? license. do electrical work? license. improve your house? license. build a bomb? get arrested sell stuff? license. drive a car? license. oh and you sometimes have to pay for the license too. wanna sell licenses? get a license. not that im against licenses, its a measure of control to ascertain a certain skill, but at some point it gets ridiculous and goes to the point that the government is aware of w/e the hell you do. and with certain licenses, like drivers licenses, some are restricted to a certain kind of vehicle, and its almost like they're trying to upsell you, like the guys at mcdonalds. it used to be "do you want fries with that?" now its "would you like to super size that meal?"
when does the madness stop?? these guys decided to find out.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8SsFXQ0kmLs&feature=related
ok i still have no idea why i wanted to talk about mental instability, but if you've gotten this part of my post, you'd have to agree that to a certain degree, the people who have proposed all this crap are mentally instable.
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| life is a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get
life is not a free ride
life is a great adventure, you just have to find your own path
there's only one life to live, so live it to its fullest
without purpose, there is no meaning to life
when life gives you lemons, make lemonade
what good is money when you have no life?
Lowell: killing your life since 1857(?)
it takes a lifetime to know one's self
life takes visa
life has always been a topic of mulling that i have found myself coming back to time and time again. its always pretty twisted, taking the worse in people, and hoping for the best.
expect life to shit on you, so bring an umbrella
yeah i just made that one up. great thing about having a xanga is that you can pretty much spill many a thoughts on and nobody would really read it, cause everyone else is on facebook, or myspace or something. social networking is fun and all, but over the internet, its a pain, and more than that, its not all that social because there's no real human contact involved, just binary coding at the most basic level. but this? xanga? its pure and simple. the joys of a journal that you don't really mind ppl reading (if they ever did) without the unpleasantnesses of messy handwriting and just writing, pure and simple. though with all the new features, it seems to have been embelished a tad bit too much, but that's ok. that's why they started putting dvds with special features and extra contents.
speaking of dvds i've got to be one of the biggest Stargate freaks/nerds/fans ever. show me 5 minutes of any episode, and i could probably tell you the season number, probs not the episode name or number, but i can definetly tell the plot and how it interweaves with the rest of the season. yes, this applies to both sg-1 and atlantis, though i have to say omg, last friday's episode was KILLER just fucking fantastic, space battles are the shit. they are the motherfucking shit of sci-fi. though it has diverged itself (the show) towards a more true sci-fi direction, which was quite a break from sg-1 b/c while there are still some modern reality sense of tech and what not, a good chunk of the film is sg, and totally out there sci-fi. sg-1 was definetly more rooted in true reality
but i didn't come here to preach the amazing-ness of stargate. though one day i should. i think i'll write it up on a post it note. and stick it on top of my desk. where its gonna sit there along with my sat days, books i wanna read, the winterbreak to do list, and my apush to do list. none of which i have done yet. fuck.
writing is definetly a great way to drain out your emotions. i was in a shambled and sorry state when i starting thinking of life quotes, but now, i've calmed considerably, and i've gotta say, it feels great. iim probably gonna end up saying that every single time i make a post, cause i've only taken up xanga-ing again to find alternative faucets to my mind. junior year is really burning me out.
for some reason, everyone's life has to have drama. and 9.99999 times out of ten, it has to do with the more than friends relationship people tend to develop just out of the blue. fucking hormones. and i've had this one friend, who has somehow managed to avoid this mess for a really long time. well up until now. then the drama erupted, but you get my point. so to avoid all this crap, should we be devoid of passionate feelings? i dunno, but it would take away the fun of things in life.
looks like the fire's outa gasoline. fuck. | | |
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